You might consider a few therapy sessions if these simple suggestions don’t work for you. Because, let’s face it….you can’t be a successful, happy attorney unless you can handle a lot of negativity. Solos have it even worse because they frequently don’t have anyone to “vent” or discuss the turmoil in their practices.
Anyway, let me give you a couple of ideas that might help or at least “band-aid” your angst.
- First, remember that none of this is PERSONAL. It is not about YOU. Most of the people who give you a hard time are doing it for reasons that have nothing to do with reality. It is about how they are choosing to handle the situation.
- Second, after assessing the situation to see if there are things you can learn from it, see if there is any action you can take. Action means that you are tackling the problem, not letting it rest.
Now many times, action is not appropriate. In these cases, such as when a judge tells you that your argument is stupid, first assess the comment to see if he/she is at least partially right. After that write down what you learned and what you can do to rectify your error. Then tear up the paper and flush it down the toilet. Then read a really trashy book, go to a George Clooney/Brad Pitt movie or watch a comic TV show.
- Third, and probably the most difficult situation to handle is when you feel you failed a client. The case is not going well for whatever reasons and you are in the dumps. Again, if you can do something about it, do it! If not, then work on other cases that are more fulfilling because it is better to be a work- alcoholic for a short time, than to obsess on feeling bad about something you have little or no control over. This is also a good time to have a volunteer opportunity open to you. Those people appreciate you and want you to feel good and doing something for others can turn around your feelings quickly.
- Fourth, you need to prepare to have negative experiences on a regular basis. It may help to take a class in handling angry clients or in honing your mediation skills. Mediation is a time when you learn to handle hostility in a neutral fashion. Again, you will learn that it is not about You, so you can remove your feelings from the tumult.
With hopes that this will help. I’d love to hear how you handle anger directed towards you in the work place.
Again, I had a great revelation while watching television! The scene was a Swedish detective mystery which I am addicted to. The detective had pulled his car up to a house where he was going to interrogate a mean gal who might be the murderer. He parked his car and went inside. She wasn’t home. Then gal came home and parked her truck directly in back of the detective’s car.
That’s when I started to worry. What if he can’t get his car out? Why didn’t he think of this before he parked? Sure enough the mean gal started to curse and yell that someone was in her parking space. Well, it all worked out and we found out that she wasn’t the murderer but I also found out that I was a little crazy. This is a show, right? Then I remembered that I had recently read an article on brain science that said our brain believes that everything we see on TV and Movies, is real. Of course, my brain should have worried about that stupid parking error…..and made my blood pressure go up.
I then realized that I often get caught up in worrying way too much about situations I see on TV. The fictional ones you understand, not the real live news. Yes, I feel compassion for real people in trouble but I don’t feel like I can help them or warn them like I do with fictional characters!
Then I came across this WORRYNOMORE warranty which guarantees if the manufacturer or store can’t fix defects, the warranty will cover it. I envisioned a WORRYNOMORE LIFE WARRANTY I could get for all things that happen in my life. Unfortunately, I should have stopped there because I went onto read about Macy’s WORRYNOMORE warranty which you can get for an additional fee when you buy mattresses and furniture. Oh my! Macy’s got only one star and at least ten of the most incredible stories about nightmares of absolutely run around and no customer service let alone compensation for major defects. And these were in 2015….
If you could buy a WORRYNOMORE LIFE WARRANTY for all of your life’s worries, how much would you pay for it? What worries would you like it to cover? What would the elements of the warranty need to be in order for you to be covered(ie., money compensation, psychological counseling, a worry counseling sent to your home immediately?)
You are a lawyer, what would the language of the warranty look like?
If you did this exercise, you might find out something more about your worries….but I won’t give you a warranty on that!
I was forced into watching the Dr. Oz show this morning because his program is on right after the Today Show. Not switching channels was my first lazy move of the day. However, he had a guest psychologist on who spoke about constant worry and the stress from it which can have disastrous affects on the body and mind.
She spoke with three women who had different patterns of worry but each found the worry was taking a toll on their live. One of the suggestions was to interfere when the thoughts start by thinking of something silly(like a man in a bunny suit singing nonsense tunes). Or to think of something pleasant that has happened in your life. The trouble I found with this one was that I didn’t know what to think about after I had “interfered”. I discovered that part of my thought process is to always start planning activities or work on solving problems which sometimes produces more stress.
This indicates that I need to come up with different subjects to think about. That’s really hard.
The other dynamic suggestion was, of course, meditation and breath control. Taking a deep inhale for five counts, then hold for five counts then exhale for five counts. I guess it would help to think of a mountain stream or a country side filled with flowers after doing this.
I then realized that I am handicapped in stress control because I don’t listen to music. Maybe that comes from having been married to a composer and having to attend drum concerts! Also constantly being told that I had no musical ability….. Boy, now I can blame my lack of ability to handle worry on my ex!
So, what do you do with all this new found knowledge. Well, its probably worth a try. We all know we waste a lot of time worrying about things that never happen. One more solution that was given was to say that you will have a specific time to worry and will set up a “worry box” where you will put your worries until the appointed time. I think that one might work for me. At least I could get some sleep! unless I start worrying that I might forget what’s in my worry box and overlook some important worry…..
Stay well and have some fun this week…..And Get Some Sleep!