Were you able to identify the Magical Thinking that may be going on in your life?

12/3/12 Were you able to identify the Magical Thinking that may be going on in your life?  In my work, I often have to try and influence another human being to actually change their behavior.  Is this even possible or is this Magical Thinking about something that can’t be accomplished?
In musing more about this, I think that the difference is that if I can instill in the person the desire to change the behavior, not just doing it because someone asked them to, then it might be possible. This is very different from asserting that you can actually change something about another person.  We all know where that leads in relationships.
It’s kinda like admitting that what is happening  isn’t working and then asking for help to find a way to make it work.
This is especially difficult for lawyers because they need a certain amount of ego just to do their job.  It is a careful means of perserving that ego and yet exposing the real issues of the problem that makes coaching so rewarding….
OK, ENOUGH,  next week we’ll get back to practical hints that can help your “lawyer life” immediately.

Now that you have recovered from all that eating, let’s get back to business.

11/26/12  Now that you have recovered from all that eating, let’s get back to business.  Have you located any Magical Thinking that happens in your life?  This is a little different from denial.  Denial happens when we just don’t want to face what is really happening.  You might like to read my article “Is There An Elephant in Your Law Office” for a better description of how denial can take over an office.
Magical Thinking, on the other hand, has an action or activity involved.  You feel like you are doing something that should have a great outcome, but doesn’t.  That’s because the original believe is not based on solid reality.  Examples are: Allowing teenagers to have easy access to alcohol so they can “learn how to drink”.  Unfortunately, teenager’s brains are not nearly developed and they only drink to get drunk, not for sober socializing.  Tragic accidents and bad behavior often result.
Another common example for lawyers is going to endless seminars and workshops to improve their competency.  Seems like a good idea? right?  However, if this consumes time, energy and money that should go into solid marketing, then it is  a waste.  Also that behavior frequently comes from a “perfectionist” approach and can paralyze an attorney from doing the networking necessary to increase business, as well as having the time to actually lawyer.
Pretty heavy stuff….but best to know if it is going on in your life….

More about Magical Thinking next week.

11/19/12 More about Magical Thinking next week.  This week we all need to start thinking about ordering our Holiday Cards.  First decide what Holiday you are going to celebrate with your network.  Christmas, New Years, General Holiday Greetings,  etc.  Then make up your mind what kind of a message do you want to give.  Humorous, Beautiful eye candy, Sincere, Thankful, etc. Now don’t fool around.  Find a place to order and get going.  Get your list ready and figure out how you are going to get them addressed and out.  Give yourself a date certain that they all will be mailed.  Then forget about it for the time being.  You’ve done all you can do for now and your focus goes elsewhere.  That is a little trick that will keep you from losing your mind.  Calendaring the next step helps with stress.

I have been thinking about MAGICAL THINKING…

11/12/11 I have been thinking about MAGICAL THINKING…This is when the person thinks that just by doing something, that results will happen.  Unfortunately, in my work, there is some  MAGICAL THINKING.  Unfortunately, it is not enough just to show up and believe that is enough to make significant changes.  Unfortunately, you also have to do the work.
Apparently the term MAGICAL THINKING comes from the psychological community where people go to therapy and feel that just being there will produce a real change.  Not so….the work still must be done.
So, this week take a really good look at yourself.  Is there any MAGICAL THINKING  going on?  Do you go to a Network function but don’t give your card out or talk to anyone new?  That’s the hope that just by “doing something” a miracle will happen.

Having goals and being focused on a strategic plan is really the way to produce the desired results. Remember your coach is your secret weapon and can help to recognize and eliminate MAGICAL THINKING.

I just got back from giving a talk in Merced, CA

11/5/12 I just got back from giving a talk in Merced, CA for the State Bar and one of the things I learned while doing research for a presentation on Ethics in Social Media was that Facebook postings are discoverable evidence and carry with them a possible spoliation of evidence if destroyed.  This comes about when an attorney finds that his or her client has posted something harmful or obnoxious on the client’s site and tells them to remove it.
An attorney in Virginia was sanctioned and disbarred for instructing a client to take off a picture of himself a year after his wife’s wrongful death which showed him with a can of beer and a tee shirt which read “I (heart) hot moms”.  Oh yes, he had a garter around his head.  Loss of consortium damages going down…..
So your task this week is to review all your cases to make sure that you have done a notice to produce for all electronic evidence where it is applicable because this rule runs to all parties….and maybe check your own Facebook page for, oh, you know what!

Have you tried the foot pointing trick yet?

10/29/12 Have you tried the foot pointing trick yet?  There is another networking idea I’d like to share this week.  When you enter a room full of people, look it over and pick one person you would like to talk to.  Have a conversation with that person and give and get business cards.  However, when you give the person your business card give them one of those square, wrapped chocolate pieces.  As we said before, sweet things make a lasting memory and it is simply a nice thing to do.

caveat:  Try not to eat them all before you have a chance to give them away.

I was just at a Women’s Rainmaker Convention for lawyers in Tahoe and I learned a fun little idea I’d like to share.

10/22/12 I was just at a Women’s Rainmaker Convention for lawyers in Tahoe and I learned a fun little idea I’d like to share.  We were discussing how difficult it is to interrupt a small of people who are talking at an event.  How do you know you will be welcomed?  This often causes an awkward moment for both you and the group.
The idea is to look at the group’s feet.  If they are all pointing towards each other, then forget it.  They are not going to welcome you into their group.  However, if their feet are pointing in different directions, sometimes away from the group or to the side, then hop right in with “mind if I join you”. Try to restrain yourself from saying “I noticed your feet were pointing sideways, and therefore you won’t mind if I join you”.
I tried this already once, and it worked….. Keep up the good work.

A very little task this week. Look around your office.

10/15/12 A very little task this week.  Look around your office.  Is it inviting for clients and colleagues to visit.  Is there a dish of hard candies (individually wrapped/ no chocolate, it goes too fast) in evidence?  Do you offer water or if possible, coffee or tea?  Tests have shown that offering something sweet makes a person feel cared for, which is what you are going to do.
Is the place where you see them clean?  is it uncluttered?
I remember once walking into an attorney’s office that was so piled up with papers it look like it should have been on the Hoarders Show on TV.  No place to sit and no filing cabinets.
Last, always walk your guest to the elevator or door or to their car if it is close by.  This is too often forgotten by the ego driven lawyer who can’t wait to get rid of a client or guest. Unfortunately, the client or guest gets the hint….UGH…..

Back to WORK. Is there one thing you can think of that would make your business easier, more profitable, or more satisfying?

10/8/12 Back to WORK. Is there one thing you can think of that would make your business easier, more profitable, or more satisfying? It may be something as simple as calling an old client, taking a new legal friend to lunch, firing your secretary or having a heart to heart talk with your boss.
Identify one small activity you can do this week to further that goal.
Write what you will do this week down in your calendar in BIG Letters.  Look at it every morning and then take a little action to get start getting it done.
Remember, eat the elephant one bite at a time…..