Category: MASTERY

THERAPY AND COACHING: THE DIFFERENCE

Didn’t have time for a blog today, so I am reprinting an article that I did earlier to explain the difference between therapy and coaching.  Hope you like it!

THERAPY AND COACHING: THE DIFFERENCE 
Towards A Greater Understanding.

As an attorney, part of my career has been focused on Professional Coaching in the legal field. I have always been interested in Mentoring and helping my colleagues succeed. After 20 years of running a highly successful solo practice, I felt my experience and insight would be helpful to a wider audience. Having two coaches who influenced my professional life and supported me through many challenges and changes, I was aware how valuable coaching can be.
I also had three very fine therapists in my life who were bright spots in my development and added greatly to my success. Looking back on both of those experiences, it is easy to see the differences and the similarities and I thought it might be valuable to share my insights. My belief is that a more detailed understanding of the principles of professional coaching by Psychologists and Lawyers will also benefit the support and interplay which could exist between the two communities.

• FIRST, LET’S SEPARATE COACHES:

Unlike Psychologists who train, have supervised experience and obtain a license, coaches usually don’t have any formal training in coaching. There are national and state organizations to which coaches can belong, but as of now, there is no formal College or graduate training available, of which I am aware.
Some people do go through training set up by facilities that give them certification or other credentials, but there is no licensing or other public scrutiny involved in these courses. Some times these people are called “Life Coaches” or “Business Coaches” and come from an array of backgrounds.
Professional Coaches, on the other hand, must have an intimate knowledge of the field in which they are coaching. It doesn’t work to have a mechanic coaching a CEO since there will be no trust or credibility. Professional coaches must also have been successful in their careers. This doesn’t mean that they haven’t had failures and setbacks but you don’t want to be coached by someone who hasn’t yet figured out the business end of their field for themselves .
Last, professional coaches have superior people skills, just like psychologists. They must be flexible and able to work with difficult situations without letting go of their objectivity, just like psychologists. Listening is an important aspect of both professions.

• COACHING, UNLIKE THERAPY,IS PRIMARILY DIRECTIVE IN NATURE.

The first goal of a coach is to help the client ferret out the difficulties that the client is having in being successful in whatever endeavor he or she is attempting. Once the problem surfaces, the coach and client can work on specific goals to achieve success. Take for instance the problem of revenue which is usually right up there on the “increase” list. It is not important to have a deep understanding of all the psychological factors involved in why the client isn’t earning the desired amount but it is important to the coach to 1. make sure the desire amount is reasonable 2. make sure the client has the motivation to do what is necessary to achieve that goal and 3. make sure the client is aware of the time it will take to achieve a significant goal.

Coaches then work with the client to set up specific goals. These will be written down and broken down into “baby steps” . Just like an athletic coach, the professional coach prods the client to keep on track. Support, through realistic praise and highlighting the positive is always beneficial but will be directed towards achievement, not understanding.

• COACHING SHOULD HAVE TIME LIMITS

While formulating goals, it is important that person being coached have time limits set on their achievements. Of course, these can always be adjusted if they prove undoable, but good coaches know the value of a time certain to gain focus and momentum to continually work towards success.
.

• A CLEAR CONTRACTUAL AGREEMENT SHOULD EXIST BETWEEN THE COACH AND THE CLIENT

It is important to have a written agreement setting out the duties and responsibilities of both the Coach and the Client.
At the first meeting, the client should walk out with tentative long-term goals as well as specific goals to work on right now. The method to achieve those goals should be evident to both the client and the coach.

• SIMILARITIES BETWEEN PSYCHOTHERAPY AND COACHING

Perhaps one of the most significant similarities between psychotherapy and coaching is that both professionals have the betterment of the client/patient’s life as their sole purpose in working with them.
Mentors have their own businesses, personal lives and time constraints. Family can be supportive but they also have their own worries and concerns. Colleagues and friends who give advice may not fully understand the needs of the client.
Psychotherapists and Professional Coaches have none of these restraints. Their work is defined by the individual’s needs, thus making them unique in any person’s life.

Hopefully this brief overview has been helpful in more clearly defining exactly what Professional Coaching is all about and will aid  lawyers in understanding the role it can play in their life.

MORE GATEKEEPERS: THERE’S NEVER ENOUGH

Last week we discussed the role of Gatekeepers in a business.  Not the people that keep you out but the people who know the people who have problems that you can help with and will refer to you.  So, getting more specific, how do you locate the gatekeepers who will most benefit your business.

Again, let me remind you, to first look at your target market and your business mission statement.  Who would be your best client if they walked in your door today?  Describe this person in detail.  See if you can picture this person.  If you had to write a three sentence story about them, what would that look like.

Then take your mission statement and see if that description of your perfect client needs to be changed.  Does their problem reflect a need that you can fulfill while being true to your statement.  Let me see if I can show you what this means.  For instance, you describe your best client as” a person who is having a family law problem”. You even mention that they must have enough funds to hire you.

Your mission statement is “A small, highly efficient form offering services to family  law clients through personalized, individual attention while maintaining the highest ethics”.  So now what happens if you get a client who  wants to hide money from their spouse and wants your help to do that? Where’s the ethics?

So you have to then tailor your target person to have realistic values about the ethics involved in family law or it won’t parallel your mission statement.  See how this works?

Now we come to the part where you start identifying Gatekeepers who might help you find your target market.  You also need to ask yourself once identified, how can you educate your gatekeeper to screen your potential client for an appropriate match.

How do you do this?  Ok, let’s use an example.  You have found a Marriage Family and Child Counselor who is very open to referring to you because he or she needs someone trustworthy when they get a request for a family law attorney.  But they are very new at counseling and ask you if you can give them some money back for the referral.  UGH!

Think again about your mission statement.  Where is the ethics here? If this counselor would do this, then you might not want his or her clients as your clients. Of course, it might just be that this person is just so new that they think it is OK to be given money for referrals.  If so, you can gently tell them” NO, this is against the Law”. Then you know you have a lot of educating to do with this gatekeeper.  However, in the end, you might get a great gatekeeper because you will have trained them to be exactly what you want!

This is another reason why you always handle your gatekeeper very carefully.  Be careful how you thank them.  They shouldn’t expect expensive gifts, etc.  The best thank you is business for them.  So once you have vetted your gatekeeper have your referrals ready the next time a client asks you for help.

GATEKEEPERS: MAKE ALL THE DIFFERENCE

Just imagine a nice person standing on one side of a gate and letting in all kinds of referrals to your business each time the gate is opened.  You could even have each referral be a real qualified lead and if you have trained your gatekeeper correctly, it will be.

OK, we all feel this would be great for our business. But how do we know what our own gatekeepers looks like? Going back to the basics, what is your target market?  Hopefully after all my blogs you have come up with at least one target (best client) profile.

To help you understand, let’s use my example from the time when I practiced personal injury and workers’ comp law.  My best client was someone injured in an accident which, for PI, was not their fault and for WC it didn’t matter as long as it happened at work.

After identifying the target client, I needed  to figure out what person or profession finds out about the problem of that injured party.  In my case, I decided for a lot of injuries it was chiropractors.  Additionally, they might see the injury first but then refer the patient onto other medical professionals if the injury is outside their scope of practice.  This then brings them into contact with other professionals who also treat injured people and might eventually become referral sources for me.

So I chose my Gatekeepers as chiropractors who lived in my community. Now the question is: what do I do next to meet these gatekeepers and get them on board.  Working from the Zig Ziggler premise of doing something for other people as your best marketing tool, I wrote a book in collaboration with a Chiropractor titled: The Medical-Legal Survival Guide, A Handbook for the California Chiropractor.  We published it ourselves and marketed it to all Chiropractors in California.  More importantly, I had my best business card available when I met a chiropractor. I could give them something of value.

Additionally, I gave seminars in my office about how to do depositions, ethics and writing reports.  I taught at some seminars and the book was used by two chiropractic colleges in California as a text book.  Well worth the hard work and expense!

This partnership went onto produce many cross referrals over the 21 years I had my solo practice.  I could refer accident victims to a doctor I knew could write a good report and also give outstanding service to my client.  The chiropractor knew, in turn, that I was ethical, experienced and trustworthy. They could also reach out to me for advice if necessary.  I was available!

So that’s my story about gatekeepers.  Who are your gatekeepers?  Again, start with your target market.  If you are a business attorney, it might be small and mid-sized start ups.  Who knows of their problems?  CPA, Financial Planners, other attorneys, bankers, etc. Next question is how do you reach those people? Get creative.

EVERY ATTORNEY IN THE PRIVATE SECTOR NEEDS GATEKEEPERS TO FILL OUT THEIR MARKETING PLAN.  Let’s talk more about this next week.

PAM: PUT IT ALTOGETHER AND IT SPELLS “SUCCESS”

Purpose, Autonomy and Mastery spells  PAM.  We could make a logo of that and carry it around to remind us each day that if those three elements can be attained , then we will be doing much better in our lives.

I’m thinking that this is the right order. That we need to find the Purpose first.  Is the purpose a biggie like: “What is my purpose on earth?” or something small like:”What is the purpose of my work?” or even smaller as: “What is the purpose of my being in school?”.  Some answers will come quickly, other not so quickly.  Probably the ones that take longer to come up with are more important?

After that we need to look at Autonomy.…learning to do things ourselves. If we define the purpose of our work is to “advocate for people who are in trouble” then we have to find out what that means in each of our daily lives.  Yours is probably very different from mine, even though we say we have the same Purpose.

Having strength to know what YOU alone can do is the key.  That doesn’t mean you don’t need others to help but you are the leader and define the path.

Last, we come to Mastery.  Here once you know your Purpose and have decided how you alone will fulfill that purpose, then you have to venture out in the world and teach yourself how to do it.  As we discussed in previous posts, you will find others who have already Mastered your purpose and can learn from them.  You will explore exactly what Mastery means for you .  Mastery involves learning but at a deeper level than most of us have experienced.  To become a “Master” one must fail and learn from each failure.  Think of how many times you screwed up learning something like how to play Chess, but mastering it became fun, especially when you could beat your parent!

Now I’m going to let you onto a little secret.  If you are having trouble figuring out what purpose goals you have or where to start, begin by writing out your Mission Statements.  One is for your personal life and one for your professional life.  Here you will find out where your values are and how to expand them into your everyday life.

And you will have PAM.

PURPOSE: PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER

Purpose is the final trait that brings Autonomy and Mastery together for greater success!  So, exactly what is Purpose? You would think we would all know. And how does it fit into our Success Trio?

Being the glue that binds Autonomy and Mastery, Purpose is a goal that is defined.  It takes determination and is the object for which somethings exists or is done.  The word, Intentionally, is very important.  Meaning that it is a goal that is intended and not something that is thrust upon us out of necessity.

People are often asked, What is the Purpose of Life?  Such a basic question can be answered all kinds of ways.  Did you ever hear the one about the man who spent all his life trying to find the meaning of life until one day he met a peasant who said that the swami who lived up this gigantic mountain knew the meaning of life.  The man climbed the mountain at great peril to himself for 10 days until he reached the top where the swami had a hut. In front of the hut sat the swami.  The man approached him and said “I understand you know the meaning of life,I have searched the world to find out, please tell me”.  The swami eyed him for a awhile and then said in a voice filled with knowledge: “Life is a Fountain”.  Shocked the man replied: “Life is a Fountain?”.  The swami got up from his cross legged position and walked up to the man and said: “Life is not a Fountain?”.

We might say that the man wasted his life looking for someone to define his purpose.  How many other people are doing that in real life? Are you?

To purposefully do a task, it must be planned.  First, however, there has to be a need.  Once that need is  uncovered, then the purpose becomes clear about what the outcome should be.  For instance, if your refrigerator is smelling, then you know something has to be done.  Your purpose is to have a refrigerator which doesn’t smell.  It is not for you to clean out the refrigerator. That only one way of handling it. It’s important to recognize the difference.  One is jumping to one possible solution while the real purpose is overlooked.  Also this kind of thinking can stifle creative thought.

How many other ways can you see to getting the refrigerator not to smell anymore? An obvious, but absurd one, is to buy a new refrigerator….however, absurd thoughts for other situations might prove fruitful… Don’t limit yourself!

Next week we will put all three Success Traits together and see what we get.  DON’T MISS IT!

MASTERY: YOU GOTTA HAVE IT

Last week we discussed Autonomy . This week it is Mastery. That’s the second trait you need to fully succeed.  I’ll keep you guessing what the third and final trait you need until next week.  So what is Mastery?  Again, let’s go to Websters: Mastery is “expert skill or knowledge”.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t tell us which skill or knowledge we have to Master.  So what could that be? Let’s look at some areas that I can think of that would be helpful to have mastered:

  • Creating life/work balance.
  • Creating a fulfilling personal partnership
  • Having a meaningful career
  • Having a healthy body
  • Raising healthy and happy children
  • Giving back to your community.

And many more…….Add your own……

Of course, the next question is how do you obtain the expert skill or knowledge to “master” these goals? 

If you have read my book and or followed my blog, you will guess that the first step is to pick one area goal that you would like to achieve or at least work on improving.  I know some of you will even question at this stage if you know whether or not you have already mastered one or more of these areas. If you can not say you are 100% happy with that area, then work needs to be done.

So, go ahead, pick one of these or create one of your own.  Then ask yourself : “How can I gain more skill or knowledge about the elements that make mastery of this area more successful”.  WRITE DOWN YOUR ANSWER.

Your answer may be to:

  • Take a class
  • Read about what others think mastery of that area entails.
  • Talk to people who have mastered that area
  • Break the area down into smaller parts that can be worked on

Visualize the area as though it is “Mastered” and see what that looks like for you.

This stuff is difficult, so do just a little work on it each day or week.  No rush, the problem or challenge will still be there next week, month, year.

Good luck with this.  Next week we will look a the last trait and then do a round up of all of them to see how they fit into a successful life.  Even if we don’t fully succeed, think of how much better each of us would be to get closer……

AUTONOMY: WHY ITS IMPORTANT IN YOUR LIFE!

I had to look this one up.  Autonomy, per Webster is “having self-government” or “existing or functioning independently”.  Then I looked at the word just ahead of it in the dictionary which was AUTONOMIC  and noticed they both have the same root.  Autonomic means”of or controlled by that part of the nervous system that regulates the motor functions of the heart. lungs, etc.”

Isn’t it interesting to think that functioning independently could become automatic?  But don’t we really strive to do this as we grow and learn exactly what it takes to become independent from our parents, school, etc.?  The word “rely” seems to pop up when talking about autonomy as the opposite.  If we rely on something or someone we lose some of our autonomy.

Now comes the quagmire.  We have to rely on our parents for many years to get us to adulthood.  Then we rely on the person we partner with and with our friends.  Although to some less decree as we become more independent.  No more do we have to call our girlfriends the night before school to find out what they are wearing!

For most of us, the fear of having to do something totally on our own never leaves us.  The truth is also that you cannot accomplish a lot totally on your own.  So why is Autonomy considered right up there with Mastery and Purpose in being successful?  Because before we can truly find success, we must GROW UP.  This means taking responsibility for our actions, disciplining ourselves to avoid bad habits such as drug taking, helping other people and caring for the environment as examples of grown up behavior.

As we begin these actions, we start towards becoming independent and not influenced by destructive outside forces.  This is all important in building success into our lives.

Now the question is, could we be doing this automatically?  Like breathing?  It seems to me that this takes place only after we reach each plateau in our quest for independence.  Once we walk, we never stop.  Once we venture out and find a friend, we do it again.  Once we leave our parents, most of the time, we don’t go back.  We are becoming independent. If we slip back to a more dependent position such as living again with our parents, we have lost a certain amount of independence.  There are circumstances, of course, that you might return home to a parent to help them but you are strongly aware that this hasn’t diminished your independence, only changed it because now you are caring for a more dependent person.  Its important to recognize this difference.

So the secret to autonomy seems to be to Grow Up.  Many people struggle with this.  They cling to toxic people in their life.  They keep doing childish acts that keep them from facing the perils and rewards of growing up.  Many people and yes, lawyers, don’t even know what it is to live a grown up life…….let’s talk about that next time. In the meantime, where are you in the cycle of getting to GROWN UP (that’s a noun)!

HOW MANY OF YOU HAD A FREE LUNCH LAST WEEK?

So this week we’re talking about really wanting to set a goal and why we don’t do them.  Isn’t that right? Because my bet is that anyone reading last week’s blog said to themselves “Hey, that’s a great idea.  I should do that”  but then didn’t follow through.  Maybe some people even wrote it down in their goal list.  But still didn’t follow through. My congratulations to those who did something about that great suggestion for increasing revenue!  Let’s hear from you.

As a coach, this is what I face time and time again.  The attorney and I will plan out the next two or three weeks with real important, well thought out goals that will advance the attorney in the direction he or she wants to go.  Three weeks later, the attorney comes back to me and many times, few or none of the goals have been worked on.

Then we go back to the old trick, that goals have to not only be written down, they need to be put into the attorney’s calendar so they get worked on.  If that is done and the goal is still not moved forward, then it’s time to find out why?  Is it fear of failure? Is it coming out of the attorney’s comfort space?  Is it just because so many more “important” tasks need to be done? Is the goal too big?

I believe that one of the landmines here is that many attorneys have never done consistent goal planning in their careers.  Yes, they passed the Bar and get work done in their practices but there is very little growth or change because of poor strategic planning.  So with  little or no forward growth, lawyers get discouraged and depressed. Of course they find little validity in the idea that good planning can produce the success they want because they have simply never experienced it before. They simply don’t believe in it.

So if you are one of those attorneys who have trouble with planning, goal setting and follow through, what do you do?  You need to prove to yourself that it works! That means you will make a tiny little goal that you can accomplish.  Then you will next make a more difficult goal and keep on until you prove to yourself that this works.  A coach can help in all of this and also with the follow up.  You can commit to email your coach every day, what goal you worked on and how much got done.   Or you can figure out a way that you can do this with your own knowledge of your habits.

So, next week I want to see one small goal that you wrote down and actually did.  Email me the result to my blog! 

WHY ARE YOU A LAWYER?

Attorneys should ask themselves on a regular basis why they want to be a lawyer.

You know I ask questions! And this one is really important for all attorneys to ask themselves once in a while.  It can prevent burnout as well as redirect lawyers who have “lost their way”.

So why are you a lawyer?  Did Mom and Dad offer to pay for law school and it seemed easier than making up your own mind?  Did you decide you wanted to be a professional but not a CPA or a Doctor or a PHd?  These are called DEFAULT CHOICES.  They don’t involve much thinking or analyzing what you really want or what will make you happy.

How about the ability to earn a lot of money?  This is a carrot that leads many young people into the profession.  Unfortunately unless you are willing to sacrifice big time, today’s market isn’t one that automatically provides wealth.  In fact, a recent study showed that if a single attorney (without family) can make 70K a year, he or she is as happy as one making three figures.  The idea of less pressure and more down time is very appealing to many lawyers coming out of law school.

I hear many attorneys say they went into law to “help people”.  Many are now very disillusioned  because they find themselves needing to make business decisions which don’t really involve helping anyone. Answering a mountain of interrogatories can defeat anyone’s inclination to continue in this career.

So what’s the answer? Today law students need to identify much more carefully than ever before what it is they want to achieve by being a lawyer.  The LAW is a cruel master and can devour many an attorney who doesn’t recognize it’s seduction.  How many attorneys are killing themselves with billable hours, forgetting their health and families or drinking themselves to death?

Now let’s get personal.  Why did you decide to be an attorney?  Is it time to rethink the fact that maybe you did it for a flawed reason?  If so, not all is lost.  With careful planning you can break loose of the restraints of being a lawyer and make decisions which will align themselves better with your nature and wishes.

Much of what I’ve written and teach will guide you to a path which will not only create success but also contentment.  Doesn’t that sound great?

What is the secret ingredient for success?

Can’t you guess?  We know lots of work, lots of planning and lots of support is supposed to make us successful.  But does it?  Does it guarantee success?

So you start out with your Goals.  You have strategically planned out how you are going to gain more SUCCESS.  You may want to earn more money, you may want more free time, you may want to lose weight or you may want a better relationship with your partner or children.

Your plan is down in stone.  You look at it every morning and you chop it up in smaller pieces to do a little each day.  Maybe you even have a coach or a friend to whom you are accountable.  With that, how can you fail? 

You read somewhere that if you do a different behavior for 20 days, it will become a habit.  So you are on your way to the 20th day, speeding ahead and actually seeing results.  Unless of course if it is a long term goal which you have set up to get completed in months or even years.  Then you expect that you will not see “results” as soon as quick, immediate goals like losing weight or creating a little more time for yourself.

However, at some point you find out that human beings are not machines which can simply be plugged in and produce an outcome in days, weeks or months.  They get sick, they get distracted, they have crises and they just get plain tired.
So come on Eleanor, Tell us the secret ingredient.  Well, folks, wait no more…..It is the ability to have an ANCHOR to your plans and continue to use that anchor every day to keep you on tract.  I always suggest that you go to bed with your anchor and wake up with it each morning.  Even if you are not going to work on your goals that day, the anchor is always with you until all your goals have been reached.

So what will your anchor look like?

  • It will be short like, “I will do one task today to raise my income”,  or “I will stay on my healthy diet today” or “I will find 2 hours this week to be with my family” or “I will calendar my schedule each week”
  • Anchors are doing things, not airy- fairy ideals that might come about or not. “I want to be successful” won’t work.
  • Anchors are directly related to your goals.
  • Anchors may change a little but if they are well conceived, not much.
  • Anchors must be made conscious by saying them in your head or out loud each day at least twice each day.
  • Do not have more than one Anchor at a time

So now all you have to do is decide on a goal.  Write down that goal.  Break it up into smaller tasks. Decide on an Anchor and get started.